When You Have Thoughts About Sex

When You Have Thoughts About Sex*

Kitzur Likutey Moharan - Lesson 31 - 18 Tevet

*Tzniut Warning - See Bottom of Post

Credit: Pixabay - Jambulboy

Sex is the type of thing that is always affecting every person, at every moment, whether they want it to or not.

Either sexuality--and everything that comes along with it--is on your mind almost constantly, or someone you love (maybe your spouse) has made it something fundamental to your relationship.

This doesn't necessarily mean that you have these thoughts flowing up from your subconscious into your conscious mind at all times. In fact, many people have progressed up the levels (or were, perhaps, born at a higher level) such that sexuality is something you've gotten a handle on.

But we need to think about that for a moment.

How strong of a drive--how fundamental an urge is sexuality, that you need to "get a handle" on it.

We don't talk that way about other things. You don't ever feel the need to suppress or repress urges for food or games or conversation.

Sure, we all struggle with eating healthy, not wasting time with video games instead of earning a living or doing mitzvot, or with holding our tongues when the situation requires it.

But except for people who suffer from various addictions, we don't talk about those urges or instincts as if they are always there, lurking around the corner, threatening to take over our thought process at the drop of a hat.

Sex, though, is different. It is, in some ways, fundamental.

Rebbe Nachman, the Tzaddik he was, understood this. He didn't shy away from the basic biological, spiritual, and existential fact of human sexuality.

Humans are pulled toward sex constantly. It makes sense, doesn't it? Biologically, it is a necessity. The dopamine dump from that particular activity ensures that we'll seek it out, again and again.

Spiritually, how could it not be important? It is the Creative Act. The singular activity that emulates the Creator and his Infinite Love spreading out and shining down on us at every moment. In Latin they call it "imatatio dei"--Imitation of G-d.

In Judaism we just call it "Mitzvot."

We are made in the Image of the Creator, and so we work at every moment to "be like" the Creator (such as it is possible).

And so the moment of the Creative Act, being involved in the very act that parallels the supernal Love to the point of withdrawing His Infinity to make a space for His Creations to exist, we experience a microcosm of that ultimate pleasure and delight.

It's not modest to discuss this in an explicit way, but it's an idea that's always there, behind the culture, and the civilization, and the etiquette.

Rebbe Nachman understood this better than anyone.

In Kitzur Likutey Moharan - Lesson 31, Rav Noson explains Rebbe Nachman's corresponding lesson in the simplest of terms:

"The main existence and vitality of emunah (faith) can be achieved ONLY through Shmirat HaBrit ("guarding of the brit" or "sexual purity").

Notice that Rebbe Nachman is not saying that this is one of many important ways to achieve the vitality of faith in G-d. He says that this is the only way.

Why is that the case, you might ask? Rebbe Nachman explains all of the things we have said up above in a simpler, more beautiful, way than this blog ever could:

"[The] entire functioning of the world . . . depend[s] on the maintenance of sexual purity and holiness. Furthermore, all the blessings and the influx of bounty into the world, which are the products of these forces, depend on this."

How deep is this idea? How universally applicable. It recognizes that the world is controlled by the human urge towards the sexual act, and that our ability to purify and sanctify this act--to use it in the proper way with the proper holy intentions--is the only way to ensure that the entirety of Creation continues to exist for Good.

Whether you are comfortable openly admitting it or not, this idea is practical to your life right now.

You know that at any moment, for various reasons that are completely out of your control, your mind can be inundated with thoughts related to and stemming from the urge towards sexuality.

It happens to everyone, barring the holiest of the holy Tzaddikim. And if you're reading this blog, with no offense intended, you ain't one of those Tzaddikim. (I'm as far away from that label as a person can be).

And so you have those thoughts.

In Western culture (inherited from the Greeks, which really ends up making us so inundated with Greek ways of thinking, from the moment we wake up until the moment we lie down, that we don't even realize how alien it is to our Jewish souls), thoughts are just that. Thoughts.

"I can't control my thoughts. And it doesn't hurt anyone. So there's nothing wrong with just thinking about something."

This, though, is as wrong as wrong can be, and for so many reasons.

Putting aside the fact that when we allow ourselves to continue having thoughts about any topic (but especially one as strong as the urge towards the Creative Act), we set in motion of chain of events which will ultimately make it that much harder to properly recenter our minds and avoid violating a Torah prohibition, there is the entire issue of the connection between our thoughts and our holy souls.

Our souls are intimately connected to our minds. The Rambam traced this back to a point he called the "Active Intellect." The Baal Shem Tov referenced this when he said "You are Wherever Your Thoughts Are."

The core of who we are as Jews--as human beings even--is rooted in our thoughts.

Yes, our actions are fundamental. Thinking of doing a mitzvah does not (typically) count as actually doing that mitzvah.

Yet, our thoughts are not just something whimsical we can ignore.

Our thoughts are our souls. Our thoughts are us.

So how does this relate to Rebbe Nachman's advice about sexual purity.

Rebbe Nachman explains elsewhere (Likutey Moharan I - Lesson 27):

"When a person sees that sexual thoughts are entering his mind, and he subdues his desire and turns his attention from them, this is his main repentance and rectification for his spoiling of the Covenant in the past, each one according to his case. For this is the matter of literally 'balancing the scales'. Therefore, one should not be discouraged when one sees that very lustful and shameful thoughts are overwhelming one, for to the contrary, this is precisely one's rectification and repentance, for specifically through these thoughts coming upon one, and one overcoming them, specifically through this one reaches rectification and repentance, and through this one raises the sparks of holiness that had fallen through one's past spoiling of the Covenant."

How amazing is this? Look at the gift Rebbe Nachman has given us.

We can be sitting around and find, seemingly out of nowhere, a thought regarding the sexual urge rises up into our minds. We have three options once we become consciously aware of this thought:

(1) Dwell on it more and continue thinking of it, because "it's just a thought."

(2) Push the thought away and become frustrated that we are still having such horrible thoughts.

(3) Push the thought away and thank G-d for loving us so much that he gives us the chance to make-up for our past mistakes, by doing something as "simple" as pushing away improper thoughts that bubble up to the surface of our minds.

Option 1 is the Greek way. It's the modern western way. It leads to nothing but desires unfulfilled, and never-ending sadness from reaching for something you can never, ever grasp.

Option 2 is idolatry. It is the way of questioning G-d's hand on our shoulders, guiding us through life, simply because we don't understand why G-d is choosing this particular path for us. This is the way of darkness.

Option 3 is Rebbe Nachman's way. It is the way of Torah. Most importantly, it is the way of Happiness.

Option 3 is knowing that G-d gave us these powerful urges that can be used to do very bad things and very good things, and that even though we've used them to do so many bad things in the past, G-d loves us and gives us a simple way to fix that.

Rebbe Nachman understood how sexuality works.

Because he understood humans.

He understood You.

* I have tried, as much as possible, to speak about this topic in as modest a way possible. I sincerely pray that it avoids any violations of discussing immodest subjects in improper ways. This is solely focused on the spiritual aspects of this issue and is, if I have been successful in my rendering, squarely based on the teachings of Rebbe Nachman. If you are at a point in your path such that it would work as a detriment to your Teshuva and Tikkun, to read about the spiritual effects of being Shomer HaBrit or, G-d Forbid, p'gam habrit, and matters related to that, then I would obviously encourage you to avoid this topic and I hope you will understand my only intention is to give over lessons of Rebbe Nachman and their usefulness for getting closer to G-d. I'm intentionally using the word "sex" instead of a roundabout metaphor, like "niuf" or "zenut" or "pgam habrit," in order to capture the issue in a real-world, practical way for people who look to Rebbe Nachman for help and illumination. I hope it goes without saying that this post was not written for those in the frum community who would otherwise avoid reading about this topic in such a straightforward manner, and I beg for forgiveness from those of you who may stumble upon this and find it to be harmful as opposed to helpful.